Maaaaaasaaaaaachusets

Before we get to alcoholism and bad movies let me just say a word about Massachusetts and it's inherent state of terror induction.

The White Death.

I was raised in a society where the winter is a tale told to children at night to scare them into eating their vegetables and voting republican. Any amount of snow on the ground such that one can not see the grass underneath is treated in the same manner as a two hundred foot tall plutonium chainsaw-nunchuk wielding osama bin laden. The entire city comes to a grinding halt until the snow is thoroughly obliterated through use of plow mounted flamethrowers and orbital solar mirrors. In the confounding state that is Massachusetts people seem to have accepted snow as a natural part of not living in the tropics. Here they actually drive their cars in the poisonous substance, leading me to doubt the veracity of claims made by prominent cincinnati officials that to let it touch a moving vehicle will lead to the instantaneous formation of black holes.

Traffic Circles.

A.k.a. vehicular thunderdomes, these vortexes of metal and profanity are known to disrupt the brainwaves of midwestern drivers and send them into fits of hulk-esque rage and confusion. In the commonwealth of Massachusetts a decree has been passed down since the days of the revolutionary war that there shall be three traffic circles constructed for every man, woman and child living in the state. This was done to confound the hessian divisions of the british army who's native german traffic circles operated in the clockwise direction. The countercolockwise colonial traffic circles proved to be too much for the formdiable mercenaries and they soon surrendered. The traffic circles now stand to ward off unwanted out of state drivers.

More on Massachusetts later, now drinking movies.

Death Race 2000

Starring Sylvester Stallone and David Carridine. It is one of my favorite movies for obvious reasons if you have ever had the pleasure of viewing it. I'm not going to give away any spoilers here, just rules.

Take one drink any time anyone is "scored"
Take one drink anytime you think Sylvester Stallone regretted this scene later in life
Take one drink anytime David Carridine has a ridiculous non-sequitur
Chug every time a president is assassinated

Jake: saving the bike jousting for when photos are available, also we should get all you bostonians/salemites together and get some good drinking movies. purely for research purposes of course.